Comment mieux communiquer ?

Voici une phrase tirée d’un article explorant la nature de la conscience : « Les mécanismes de neuroplasticité abordés dans un nombre croissant d’études empiriques au sujet de la capacité de focalisation de l’attention et de l’effort mental altèrent systématiquement les fonctionnements cérébraux ».

Enthousiasmant ? Pas vraiment ! En fait, la plupart des mots que nous lisons ne sont même pas enregistrés par notre cerveau, tout comme la plupart des mots que nous disons ne sont pas retenus par nos interlocuteurs. La recherche montre que les mots sont les éléments les moins importants de la communication verbale. Alors avant de prononcer d’autres mots à qui que ce soit, nous vous invitons à mémoriser cette liste des 8 composantes de la communication efficace :

  1. Le contact visuel
  2. L’expression faciale
  3. Le ton de la voix
  4. Les gestes et postures
  5. L’état de détente
  6. Le débit verbal
  7. La concision
  8. Les mots eux-mêmes.

La communication efficace repose sur la confiance : si nous ne faisons pas confiance à notre interlocuteur, nous n’allons pas écouter pleinement ce qu’il nous dit. La confiance commence par le contact visuel nécessaire pour évaluer le degré de franchise de l’autre. Lorsque nous sommes regardés, la propension à la coopération augmente. Lorsque nous ne le sommes pas, nous avons tendance à agir de manière plus égoïste et malhonnête. Dans certains lieux publics (comme des toilettes) l’expérience a été tentée de placer des autocollants représentant des yeux, avec pour effet une baisse marquée des incivilités !

Le contact visuel encourage la confiance et la coopération, et un regard bienveillant augmente en particulier la confiance émotionnelle. Alors que la moindre expression de colère ou de peur produira l’effet inverse. On ne peut faire semblant d’avoir un regard bienveillant car les muscles autour de la bouche et des yeux exprimant ce sentiment sont sous contrôle du système nerveux involontaire. Une solution : si vous pensez simplement à une personne que vous aimez ou un événement qui vous a fait vivre une grande joie, un demi-sourire à la « Mona Lisa » vous viendra aux lèvres et les muscles autour de vos yeux se détendront. En sept secondes, le cerveau de votre interlocuteur, percevant votre état intérieur, se sentira en confiance.

This is The Voice !

Le ton de la voix est tout aussi important pour comprendre ce qu’une personne essaye réellement de dire. Si l’expression du visage exprime un sentiment et le ton de la voix un sentiment opposé, cela crée une dissonance neurale qui génère de la confusion et de l’anxiété. Avec pour résultat que la confiance s’érode, la suspicion augmente et la coopération diminue. Faites de suite l’expérience de dire : « Je t’aime » d’une voix dure ou pleine de colère, ou « Je suis si heureux » sur un ton triste ou apeuré et vous observerez combien cette dissonance perturbe le cerveau !

Une voix chaleureuse est un important atout de leadership, générant plus de satisfaction, d’engagement et de coopération entre les membres d’une équipe. Vous pouvez aisément entraîner votre voix pour qu’elle génère plus de confiance chez les autres : tout ce que vous avez à faire est de ralentir votre débit et parler sur un ton plus grave. Ces caractéristiques ont été testées à l’Université de Houston : quand les docteurs modifiaient ainsi leur diction, les patients les percevaient comme « plus soutenants et empathiques », en particulier lorsqu’il s’agissait de donner de mauvaises nouvelles. Le Professeur Ted Kaptchuk de Harvard, le plus grand spécialiste au monde de l’effet placebo, a découvert qu’un ton de voix chaleureux pouvait aller jusqu’à doubler l’efficacité d’un traitement médical.

Si vous voulez exprimer de la joie, il est important que votre voix devienne de plus en plus mélodique, alors que la tristesse entraîne une expression monocorde. Lorsque nous sommes en colère, excités ou effrayés, nous élevons l’intensité et le ton de notre voix, avec des variations accrues de vitesse et de sonorité.

Parler avec les mains et le corps

Les gestes, en particulier les mouvements des mains, aident les centres cérébraux de compréhension du langage à orchestrer l’ensemble de nos perceptions. En fait, notre cerveau doit intégrer à la fois les composantes sonores émises par notre interlocuteur et ses mouvements corporels pour construire une représentation adéquate de ce qu’il dit. Dans une perspective évolutive, le langage verbal a émergé du langage gestuel, et les deux sont gérés par les mêmes centres cérébraux. Si les mots que vous employez et vos gestes sont en décalage ou incohérents, cela générera à nouveau de la confusion chez votre interlocuteur. Une suggestion pratique : entraînez-vous devant un miroir en utilisant consciemment vos mains pour souligner et décrire gestuellement les mots que vous prononcez.

Votre niveau de détente est également reflété par votre langage gestuel, vos expressions faciales ainsi que le ton de votre voix, et tout forme de stress produira un sentiment de méfiance. Pourquoi ? Votre stress communique au cerveau de votre interlocuteur qu’il y a quelque chose qui ne joue pas, ce qui stimule automatiquement une attitude défensive. Notre cerveau émotionnel vit les choses littéralement : si vous êtes tendu ou agité, c’est qu’il peut y avoir un danger alentours.

La recherche montre qu’une seule minute de relaxation consciente suffit à stimuler l’activité des parties du cerveau qui contrôlent le langage, la communication, la conscience sociale, la régulation de l’humeur et la prise de décision. De fait, une conversation détendue permet de faire l’expérience d’une intimité et d’une empathie accrues. Le stress, à l’inverse, nous conduit à parler trop parce qu’il entrave notre aptitude à être clair et concis.

Slow down please…

Quand vous parlez, ralentissez ! Un débit plus lent facilite la compréhension en laissant le temps à votre interlocuteur d’assimiler le sens de vos paroles. Cette considération génère plus de respect de sa part. Pourtant, parler lentement n’est pas si naturel que cela, même si en Suisse romande nous sommes souvent l’objet de plaisanteries à ce sujet… Peut-être est-ce pour cela que nous nous comprenons un peu mieux les uns les autres que nos voisins ! Un débit lent a un effet apaisant sur une personne anxieuse, alors qu’une voix forte et rapide stimule automatiquement des réactions inconscientes de peur ou d’irritation.

Essayez cette expérience avec un(e) partenaire : parlez lentement… au point de… laisser… deux… secondes… de… silence… entre… chaque… mot. Vous observerez probablement un malaise, et votre discours intérieur risque de vous dire de vous précipiter au contraire pour en dire le plus possible rapidement, de peur d’être incompris. C’est un piège, car la réalité est que le cerveau de votre interlocuteur ne peut intégrer que de petites séquences d’informations à la fois, par bribes de 10 secondes.

C’est pourquoi dans les ateliers de Communication Coopérative, nous invitons les participants à dialoguer en se limitant à une seule phrase par tour de parole, prononcée lentement, avant d’écouter très attentivement leur interlocuteur pendant qu’il répond à son tour par une simple phrase. Cet exercice permet de prendre conscience de l’importance des sept premières composantes de la communication efficace, d’une manière saisissante.

Words words words disait Shakespeare

Qu’en est-il de la communication écrite ? Les mots sont bien pâles couchés sur une feuille de papier en comparaison de la symphonie sensorielle d’une conversation. Pour compenser, le cerveau attribue des significations arbitraires aux mots. En tant que lecteur, nous leur donnons une coloration émotionnelle qui diffère souvent de l’intention de notre correspondant. Ce qui explique pourquoi les échanges de mails conduisent aussi souvent à des malentendus. Et à moins que l’auteur ne fasse usage de tournures narratives, le lecteur trouvera vite le contenu ennuyeux, sec, plat, ou encore agressif, en tout cas bien plus négatif que prévu.

La solution : aider le lecteur à dessiner une image dans son esprit grâce à vos mots. Faites usage de mots concrets et de verbes d’action parce qu’ils sont plus faciles à visualiser. Des mots comme « coucher de soleil » ou « manger » se représentent facilement dans notre esprit, alors que des mots comme « liberté » ou « identifier » contraignent le cerveau à trier dans tous un ensemble de cadre de références compliqués. Nos cerveaux paresseux évitent alors le plus de mots possible, surtout ceux qui sont abstraits, et les niveaux plus profonds de signification et de sentiment seront perdus.

Jean-Dominique Michel & Mark Robert Waldman

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